Tess (leaute) wrote in thegoldsaucer,

Name: Tess
Age: 21
Gender: femalesssss
Gender to be rated: both
Height: 5'5"
Hair: auburn because brown-red is a boring color
Eyes: blue and brown mixedish

"Do you fear death?"
Not really death itself as I fear leaving people behind. I don't want to make my friends and family sad, and, on the other hand, I'm not entirely sure I want to leave them either to go drift off to heaven, hell, or the 7th level of Dante's Inferno that I am apparently beind banished too. Death itself is not frightening...

"Are you overly concerned about being the best or competition with others?"
When beaten in fighting games, I've been known to throw the controller. Sometimes at people. Very competitive in that sense, but not fiercely in anything else, really.

"Do you often get afraid?"
I have a super, over-active imagination that often makes me think things are there that aren't. When I was little, I used to check my room for a half hour to make sure that the crocodile from Peter Pan wasn't hiding somewhere. Now, as I've developed more sense, I can tell myself that the chick from the Grudge is NOT in my bed... Although I still think about it... I fear losing friendship as well, as I've lost many in the past, and take a while to really open up to people. I suppose that counts too.

"Do you depend on others or do you prefer to work solo?"
I learned not to depend on others long ago. I might be a slacker sometimes, but I slack solo! Working solo enhances the potential for slacking as well. ^_^

"Do you have a large Ego or are you overly Arrogant?"
Not really. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I think very little of myself and often wish I were a better person, friend, worker, artist, human being, etc. I'm way too hard on myself and often just assume that others think the worst about me. I put on a good act of it, though. ^_^

"Do you prefer to be directly in the chaos or somewhere on the outside?"
Outside! I'm terribly claustrophobic, so crowds and chaos and the like frighten me and make me have panic attacks. I'm getting better, though!

"Do you thrive in chaos or would you prefer peace?"
Peace, please. Though I live in chaos, I yearn for peace. To just relax and be calm even for a moment would be a welcome change. While I yearn for peace, as I said, I live in chaos and unrest. My mind is too active and chases itself in circles.

"How do you feel about love and romance?"
I adore both, something I'm not entirely proud of. To be cuddled and loved is something I yearn for and is, quite possibly, the most beautiful feeling in the world. Sadly, I'm terribly shy and find myself hardpressed to talk to people in real life.

"Do you feel sad or guilty at the suffering of others?"
Often I think that there's something, somehow I could've done about it, even when it's obvious that I couldn't really. It's irrational, but, as I beat myself up a lot, I just naturally do.

"Does the idea of killing someone strike you at all?"
I've wanted to sometimes, but only once. It's a terrible feeling and a terrible thing. I couldn't imagine what I would ever do if I killed someone. Probably off myself as I'd be wrought with guilt. Even in self-defense, I'd still blame myself somewhat.

"Rate your mood on a scale of 1-10, 1 being thoroughly depressed, and 10 being happy and joyful."
4, I'd say. I'm almost at a happy medium, though I was recently very, very depressed and fucked up. I'm working on number 5!

"Rate your daily energy and activeness on a scale of 1-10, 1 being sluggish and tired, 10 being extremely hyper."
3. I never get enough sleep but manage, most of the time, not to fall asleep at work.

"Do you consider yourself, Calm, Chaotic or Somewhere In Between?"
Chaotic. Completely. I'm terribly emotional and am prone to panic attacks and mood swings. I'm more stable than I've been, but my mind is all over the place, even when I'm sleeping.

"Are you prone to violence?"
I smack people when they're stupid and am kind of a bitch. Dunno if that makes me violent...

"Do you trust others?"
Not easily. Good friends have left me in the past, so trust is something I'm very, very careful with. Nothing personal, but it takes a while to open me up completely.

"Pick One: "In association with others I am.... A. Aloof. B.Very Social C. Avoidant D. Neutral"
Neutral, though avoidant in some aspects. I try to avoid confrontation and am very avoidant when it comes to certain group situations like school or a dance for example.

"Would you prefer doing something for a righteous cause or for personal gain?"
Personal gain is something that no one can deny. We all do things just for ourselves, but, in the end, the feeling I get from supporting a righteous cause is much, much more rewarding than anything else.

"Are you overly shy, very bold or somewhere in between?"
Somewhere in between. It completely depends on the people I'm with and how they rub me. Dominant personalities make me very timid until I get to know them. Easy-going, accepting people tend to make me be a bit more open and daring.

"Shortly summarize your goals in life:"
I don't know what I want to be, but I do know that I want to come to understand myself more as a person and control all the issues that I still have. I've come a long way, but I'm not there yet. I'd like to get married and MAYBE have a few kids. I'd like to finish college and move into my own place. Not all in this order of course.

"What is your greatest fear in life?"
I fear losing it and going crazy someday, just because I think I've been close in the past. I fear rejection from my friends and family as a result.

"What is your greatest goal in life?"
As I said before, to understand myself better and to work on my unresolved issues.

"Would you call yourself a Megalomaniac?"
Not really. I'm many things, but that is hardly one of them.

"Do you prefer constant attention?"
I do like attention, I won't lie, but I realize that constant attention is very unhealthy for a person, especially someone like me. I need to find my own way and stand on my own.

"How important are material objects to you?"
Certain ones are very important. A cross from my grandmother, my aunt's seashells... Things of sentimental value are worth more to me than my own life sometimes.

"Chose an Obsession: A. Love , B. Power , C. Wealth , D. Peace/Life E. Chaos/Death "
As much as I hate it, I'm obsessed with chaos and turmoil. I don't love or feed drama, but being chaotic, strange, and ME, I often find myself thinking about such things and unconciously complicating my life on purpose.

"Choose a level of mental stability on a scale of 1-10 , 1 being thoroughly insane, 10 being very sane."
Maybe 5? I might be being generous. I've got a lot of mental issues ranging from depression to ADD to boredline, though I've progressed a lot of the years. 5 might be a good, even number.

"Briefly classify yourself, give a stereotype or social "Group" to place yourself in."
Nerds. I play D&D, am obsessed with video games, FF in particular, and often discuss Star Wars for fun. Huge. Nerd.

(FF related)

What's your favourite FF game? Why?
FF7 was the first one that really struck me, though I played FF6 and 4 before it and loved them. I identified with Cloud and adored almost all of the characters. The story was amazing to me, giving me hope as I was struggling to find my own way. To see a man like Cloud conquer such trials and end up saving the world and himself, it really got to me. The best story out of them all, I think.

What's your favourite FF character? Why?
Aeris. Hands down. She's such a human character with faults and good qualities rolled into one, pretty package. I found her endearing and funny, but also lonesome and depressed at times. She was many, many things, but I adored her interaction with Cloud especially, even if I am more of a cloti. Aeris is so misunderstood, but so amazing.

Least favourite FF game? Why?
5. I hated the characters, particularly the pirate man-woman and BUTZ. WHO names a HERO BUTZ? I didn't enjoy the combat, the story, or anything at all about it.

Least favourite FF character? Why?
Christ, I don't know... Maybe Vincent? Yuffie is annoying, but she made me laugh on occasion even when I wanted to jab a knitting needle through her skull. Vincent just drowned in far too much angst for ANYONE's taste and really needed to give it a rest...


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